Pretzel Party/War

     This is probably the most significant post this blog has or ever will have. With the help of my friend, Lauryn, we would make a successful, albeit sad attempt at making homemade soft pretzels.

     It starts with a recipe. We borrowed one from chef/scientist/comedian Alton Brown. With a dash of ingenuity, lack of proper ingredients, and a bit of kitchen ignorance, we ended up with a plateful of imperfect pretzels. But, who said we were perfect? (Not us, obviously, HA)

Combine the water, sugar and kosher salt in the bowl of a stand mixer and sprinkle the yeast on top.

We didn't have a stand mixer so we just used a mixing bowl. Oh well.

Add the flour and butter and using the dough hook attachment, mix on low speed until well combined. 

The recipe called for melted butter. We accidentally made it scorching, hence, into the fridge it went.

Also, a strong arm (in this case, Lauryn's) and wooden spoon can properly replace the dough hook attachment. At least it worked for us.

Change to medium speed and knead until the dough is smooth and pulls away from the side of the bowl, approximately 4 to 5 minutes. 

Or just stir harder.

Remove the dough from the bowl, clean the bowl and then oil it well with vegetable oil.

I think she had too much fun with this part.

Return the dough to the bowl, cover with plastic wrap and sit in a warm place for approximately 50 to 55 minutes or until the dough has doubled in size.

Yeast in action!

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F. Line 2 half-sheet pans with parchment paper and lightly brush with the vegetable oil. Set aside.

We didn't use parchment paper, but we're still alive. If you're wondering why we didn't use parchment paper, well, we're poor and lazy. However, if you do decide not to use parchment paper, like we did, use a nonstick baking sheet. It'll make cleanup much easier.

Bring the 10 cups of water and the baking soda to a rolling boil in an 8-quart saucepan or roasting pan.

Keep an eye on it if you don't want it to end up like a fourth grade science project. Do as we say, not as we do.

Also, we used baking powder, not baking soda. The three key components of baking powder are baking soda (sodium bicarbonate), cream of tartar, and some form of starch. Because it's a blend, you have to use 2-3 times the amount of baking powder as baking soda for the levels of the sodium bicarbonate to even out. (We used twice the amount.)

In the meantime, turn the dough out onto a slightly oiled work surface and divide into 8 equal pieces. 

Roll out each piece of dough into a 24-inch rope. 

She's going to be a great trophy wife someday.

This is the fun part.

Make a U-shape with the rope, holding the ends of the rope, cross them over each other and press onto the bottom of the U in order to form the shape of a pretzel. Place onto the parchment-lined half sheet pan.

In other words, once you have a long doughy rope of deliciousness, make it look like the pretzel of your dreams.

Or nightmares. Dream big: aim low.

Place the pretzels into the boiling water, 1 by 1, for 30 seconds. Remove them from the water using a large flat spatula. Return to the half sheet pan, brush the top of each pretzel with the beaten egg yolk and water mixture and sprinkle with the pretzel salt.

Now, they'll tell you that the egg mixture is to make the dough brown while in the oven, as well as give it a bit of a crust or shell. What they don't tell you is, if you don't know what the hell you're doing, it will raise your hopes only to shoot them down in a miserable, shameful spiral of colorless pretzel-ness. If that didn't make sense, it's because our pretzels didn't darken past a shade of light khaki and we are still disheartened.

Bake until dark golden brown in color, approximately 12 to 14 minutes.

LIES, LIES, LIES. (Although the 12 to 14 minutes part is right.)

 Transfer to a cooling rack for at least 5 minutes before serving.

I still think they're damn precious.

Come here, cutie.

Now, the recipe didn't say this, but that's because it's obvious: serve with mustard.

We had six options, but narrowed it down to three: French's yellow mustard, a grey poupon, and a raspberry clover-honey mustard. The first being the classic, the second being the most robust (think horseradish-y, clear-your-sinuses kind of kick,) and the last being a uniquely sweet mustard.

So many chances for happiness.

Well, they'll probably all be gone by the time this is posted. They weren't exactly perfect looking, and we made a mess in the kitchen, but they are definitely worth the hassle.

Insomnia?

I don't think I have it, but you know, I kind of wanted an edgy-ish sounding, one word title for this post. I haven't been creative lately, but that's going to change. Maybe. I mean, really, what is there to do to help someone get those creative juices flowing? (That sounds gross.) I feel really bland and indifferent about this post. (I mean i'm not at my intellectual peak at this time.) I kind of don't feel like posting this. (Maybe I won't! Chances I will.) I do this a lot, make things very self referential. But, I suppose I like things that are self-referential. They don't require any prior knowledge on anything in particular. Hell, most of the time, they're stupid and not even funny the first time you read it (if that's even the purpose, or even if it isn't. Fuck.) But, you get used to the idea of this bubble that brings up a topic or a phrase that you've come to understand, or at least acknowledge and for some reason, it's hilarious.
For instance, I was looking up different exercises online when I found a link to a website. On that website was a bland, unimportant story about how some guy found the will and the way to lose his man-boobs. (In some circles, man-boobs are referred to as "moobs," keep that in mind.) Anyways, the moobs aren't important, or even how he lost them (which in his pictures, it doesn't look like he worked them off, but he's happy with himself so who cares.) What was so interesting was the fact that certain phrases, not even important ones, he would highlight them. Like that. I guess he was trying to be inspirational or thought provoking, highlighting phrases like, "But how in the world would I know who to ask??" and "Soon enough, he found a way to make himself happy!" And for some reason, I found it HILARIOUS. I'm not trying to be mean, but it's like an author of a book highlighting key phrases to the plot as he writes it with intention for it to become something great, something worthy of such attention. Well, I guess it is worthy of some attention since I wrote about it. But then again, who the hell am I?

2010

A new year. The new year always brings hope and promise to many people. So far, this year has been looking okay, for me at least. Not much has changed, but who says there needs to be a definitive border from where one section of time needs to be noticeably different from the last? Either way, I have high hopes for this year. Goods feelings. Yeah.

So, what do you think this year has in store for you?
-Is there anything specific you're trying to accomplish this year?
-Any hopes for this year?

I can't sleep/Top10BlogsOf2k

So what do I do when I can't sleep? Blog.
Getting a blog seems so tantalizing, easy to maintain, but when it's actually put in front of you, it's one of the most difficult things to continue with. I've only had mine for a week and I'm already forgetting about it.
Anyways! As the end of the year keeps getting closer, I keep seeing more and more "Best of 2000" or "Top of 2k" lists. I thought that maybe I should try it out. But then I realized that would be a lot of effort for not too many people to see. Instead, I'll just list some blogs or collectives that I find either useful or entertaining since I won't be too entertaining for the moment.

1)HipsterRunoff.com

Satire for Gen-Y. "Carles" is the anonymous writer of said blog. His grammar and spelling could use some work, his language could be cleaned up, and he could diversify his topics from "alt" culture. But doing so would rid the essence of Carles and everything he stands for. Amorphous, he takes perspective from hipster parents with hipster children, to fresh out of college-looking for themselves as well as a paycheck to help them pay for tickets to the next the XX/Neon Indian/whatever buzzband of the moment is' concert. Most recently, his hoax of retiring, hiring "mainstream ppl," and pulling a Jay-Z have caught interest, but he doesn't really care, because he knows that whatever he does, people will come back.

2)Consumerist.com

This collective website with editors who choose whose stories to publish informs the average consumer about the business world, as it relates to consumers, and assuming that the average consumer is a young adult with an open mind who can take a joke, but doesn't laugh when it's his or her property and dignity on the line. This site, which happens to be affiliated with Consumer Reports, is a go-to for anyone with problems with big business, whether you attempt to submit a story or just browse looking for similar stories for advice. Also, the editors of the blog's blurbs are often punchy with a bit of snarkiness that helps keep the reader informed as well as entertained.

3)Gizmodo.com

Same with the Consumerist. This internet collective informs the reader in a way that is interesting as well as informative, but from a more experienced standpoint. Go here and search for any tech item you're considering buying. Chances are they've tried it out and have reviewed it.

4)Boingboing.net

Another collective, this website is basically a newsfeed of anything weird or abnormally intering that happens. Um... just go there, trust me, you'll find something, if not everything, that'll catch your eye and in the least be a topic for conversation with friends they will not only find interesting, but probably be jealous that you knew first.

5)Toxel.com

This is my personal favorite "design" blog. I quote that because it becomes less about the design of a product or advertisement, and more about novelty in some of the articles. Either way, it's an interesting place to get ideas.

6)TheSartorialist.blogspot.com

Name look familiar? The Sartorialist is a former fashion buyer-turn-photog who travels the world working while looking for people with impeccable style, interesting taste, and a bit of ingenuity. Not willing to judge based on social strata, he'll photograph anything deemed interesting, inspiring, or even cute. Use him for ideas for future outfits, or even trend-watching, seeing how he was selected as one of Time Magazine's Top 100 Design Influencers.

7)UnrelatedCaptions.com

If you enjoy lolcats and things that don't make much sense, this collective is perfect. Pairing random, sometimes famous, sometimes intensely obscure quotes with a picture that is- yes- completely unrelated often results in a bewildered look from people who take themselves too serious as well as roaring laughter from people who find the conjunction of a picture of a toilet with the quote, "Jack, I'll never let go" hilarious.

8)Hypem.com

Another internet collective, this website pulls information from music blogs all over the world. Often, the next buzzband or new, unreleased song from an artist will be found here. With the ability to watch people's shifting interest, to be randomly pointed towards an unknown source or music, this website has the ability to not only read the future, but put a soundtrack to it as well.

9)Postsecret.blogspot.com

For the emo kid in all of us.

10)Facebook.com

I know this isn't a blog or collective, but it's pretty damn good for wasting time, which, if you think about, is one of the main uses of the internet.

Possibly one of the most disappointing social networking sites with the cleanest design, Facebook is the powerhouse when it comes to connecting with friends. Shown in research to be the preferred social site for people in the upper-middle to middle class economic ring compared to its "s0 2004" counterpart, Myspace, this is where the Farmville epidemic, heartbreak for family members seeing their son/daughter/niece/nephew/grandson/grandaughter pounding back shots of vodka after doing a body shot off of someone who probably isn't allowed within 100 feet of anywhere that sells alcohol, and majority of college/high school students spend their time.

• Did I miss ne good websites?
• Are there ne intricacies of the a4mentioned websites that I missed that cud probz be taken into consideration?
• Is there nething I listed you think is st00pid?
• R U alt enuff to find this interesting?
• Is me tlkng lyke Carles irritating?
• Are you going on Facebook after having read this? -I know I will.

Hello

Well since I already have a Facebook, Myspace (I know it isn't 2001 anymore, but I still keep it around), and Twitter, I supposed getting a blog was the only public online forum left for me to explore. I understand these things can be a place for people who solely rant about his or her problems, but I'll try to stop that from ever happening. Well, I guess after this post, it's just time to get everything started. Wish me luck!